RNC Recap

While researching the hypocrisy of the esteemed Governor of Alaska, I came across this AWESOME article. AP reporter Jim Kuhnhenn listened thoughtfully to the Republicans this week, repectfully weighed the facts... and came back with an official "Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire." Please read. Please pass along.

These Folks Sure Can Spin A Yarn...

If you were fresh off the spaceship this week, taking your first little tour of the planet and happened to catch John McCain and the rest of the Republicans at the RNC, you'd be convinced these were earthlings who were NOT in power (and definitely didn't vote with the current administration 95% of the time). They're going to "shake up Washington", after all. And if you were wondering which party cares more about the people than their own wallets (official term: special interests), well, it's obviously these guys who put "Country First". Illegal immigrants from far-off constellations aside (coming soon - Galactic Space Fence), is anyone out there buying this shit?

Rachael Makes Barack LOL

Just like ScarJo, our very own Rachael has been emailing with Barack Obama. In a Dimpled Chads exclusive, here is his message to her and her response.

BARACK: Rachael --
Why would the Republicans spend a whole night of their convention attacking ordinary people?

RACHAEL: Barack, I honestly do NOT KNOW! AND San Fran (that's where I live) and I felt like, hey what'd we ever do to them? I don't go around bashing where THEY live. OK, fine, fine. Yes I do. But YOU don't. You are a much better person than I.

BARACK: With the nation watching, the Republicans mocked, dismissed, and actually laughed out loud at Americans who engage in community service and organizing.

RACHAEL: No Senator, honestly this had me baffled all night I'm SO GLAD you are pointing this out. Are they just admitting they're pure evil?

BARACK: Our convention was different. We gave the stage to everyday Americans who hunger for change and stepped up to make phone calls, knock on doors, and raise money in small amounts in their communities.

RACHAEL: Totally...totally agree.....

BARACK: You may have missed it, but we also showed the country a video with the faces and voices of those organizers, volunteers, and donors from every corner of the country.

RACHAEL: I did miss that (recapping Project Runway for my job...sorry...) but sounds awesome. OK you win again! Here comes $100. Guess Joaquin's buying Sushi next week.

Keep up the good work! - Rachael

Heating Up in St. Paul...

My top three observations from night three (see what I did there?) of the Republican National Convention:

1) Rudy Giuliani is the devil.

2) Sarah Palin gave a solid speech, but aimed directly at the base. I don't think any swing voters are swinging republican for that one.

3) When did being a community organizer become a bad thing? I'm so confused.

Juno From Juneau Part Deux

...as promised, a brief discussion about Sarah Palin, the mother...

Karla (Rachael's mom) has a valid point. She said that if her child had been pregnant at 17, she would never have exposed her to this kind of public scrutiny by running for national office. I hadn't thought about it, but, duh. Isn't a mother supposed to protect her children instead of throw them under the bus for the sake of ambition?

One More Thing About Judgment...

I forgot one of my favorite points! Sarah Palin actually asked the question, "What is it exactly that the VP does every day?" I suppose if McCain wins, we better hope she's a quick learner.

Juno From Juneau

Sarah Palin's 17 year-old daughter is pregnant. Bring on the Field Day!!!

The esteemed Governor is a strong supporter of abstinence only education. So, uh, how's that working out for you?

Aside from the hypocrisy issue is the much more important question of McCain's judgment. Choosing a running mate is the first major executive decision a presidential candidate makes. According to the New York Times, the vetting of Sarah Palin was a rushed, slipshod affair. As we have all heard by now, John McCain had met her ONCE before offering her the position. There is no evidence that anyone in Alaska was EVER asked ANYTHING about her. For his part, McCain claims Palin was "thoroughly vetted" and that he knew she was under investigation for the firing of a state trooper and that her teenage daughter was pregnant. And this still seemed like the way to go, Senator?!?! God forbid you drop dead in the next four years, you feel this is the VERY BEST person in the country to step in for you? Bullshit. There's no way you think that. You wouldn't even vote for this woman if she was running in the Republican primary and you weren't. You'd vote for someone with experience and a history of reaching across the aisle. I think.

In addition, in an election everyone seems to agree is an important turning point for our nation, Senator McCain chose a running mate who was sure to provide a distraction from the issues. Instead of giving his convention its best chance to direct the political conversation in this country towards the issues Republicans care about, McCain has given us a week of Baby Drama. Supposedly, McCain wanted Joe Lieberman or Tom Ridge but bowed to pressure from Christian conservatives and instead went with the impulsive Palin hail mary. Country first? Really?

Now for me, McCain's judgment and Palin's hypocrisy are the two most important issues in this argument. I'm reluctant to discuss one's ability as a mother but as Rachael says, "If your first words that you've ever spoken to 99.9% of Americans are: your kids names and 'I'm just a hockeymom' - then your parenting is not off limits."

Since I kind of see her point, we'll explore this further in Juno From Juneau part deux...

A Letter From Rachael

Dear Readers -

One unexpected consequence of the Palin pick has come to pass. Today I donated the most money to a political candidate that I ever have ($100). I live in a really expensive West Coast city and am a blogger who makes pennies and yet I'm so disturbed by Palin's political views and McCain's judgement that I now am willing to sacrifice sushi dinners and a trip to H&M this week to insure Obama is our next president. If that's not firing up the left I DONT KNOW WHAT IS.

Yours Truly,
Rachael

All Hail the Mayor of Wasilla!

We suck. We abandoned you. Things got boring (and you know, really exciting on Project Runway - I mean, there's a dude named Suede who refers to himself in the third person - how can you pass that up?) and we figured we'd come back for the conventions. But the Democrats? Obama picked Biden and gave a great speech. Yawn. No news there. Our greatest failure, however, has been to wait this long to comment on what has to be the most fun shitstorm of the campaign season - So here it is, folks - the Dimpled Chad take:

We wake up Friday morning to the news that John McCain has chosen Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska as his running mate. My first thought was, genius move to go with a woman. Of course, I didn't know anything about this particular woman when I said that and as soon as we all learned a little - OMG!

Where to begin? How about... To think that Hillary supporters will jump on the bandwagon of anyone with a hoo-hah regardless of experience or ideology is incredibly insulting. Rachael's chime in: "If the women of America end up having the teeny tiny lady brains the GOP and media seem to assume we do and vote for this scary zealot I will probably need to grow a penis."

So, Obama, when asked in an interview about the Republicans' claim that Palin has more executive experience than he does said that Palin had 50 employees working under her and he has 2500. The GOP immediately cried sexism. For the life of me I can't figure that one out. How does the number of employees one supervises have anything to do with gender? The Rachael chime-in: "Everyone should just put down the sexist card. Rush Limbaugh already surrendered the Right's use of it when he described her as a babe."

So, we went along like this for two days, dissecting the fact that McCain had picked an NRA membership-card toting, creationism-supporting Christian Right woman with almost no experience... and then... JUNO FROM JUNEAU!!!!

To be continued...

If this doesn't get you, your heart is made of concrete...

You're going to hear a lot about Lopez Lomong tomorrow night. That is if you're watching the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics and not getting baked and standing in line for Pineapple Express (isn't there room in life for both?). This is the inspiring tear jerker Olympic story to end all inspiring tear jerker Olympic stories (don't worry - they're not really going to end - they're never going to end). Lopez was born in the Sudan and kidnapped at the age of 6 by rebels intent on turning him into a child soldier. Tomorrow night he will enter National Stadium in Beijing carrying the flag for Team U.S.A. He was chosen unanimously by the captains of the participating U.S. teams to lead our Olympians onto the field.


A competitor in the 1500m race, Lomong is a prominent member of Team Darfur, "an international coalition of athletes committed to raising awareness of the crisis in the region." Team Darfur was co-founded by U.S. Olympic speedskating gold medalist Joey Cheek, whose Chinese visa was revoked yesterday. On the same day the USOC threw Cheek under the bus, the U.S. Olympians, themselves, made it clear that even though they weren't willing to give up their dreams and years of hard work because the IOC chose a country terribly guilty of human rights violations, they are aware of those violations and do not approve of them. They made their statement in the most elegant, gracious way possible - by awarding the highest honor they could to their teammate who deserved it the most. I, for one, think I can wait 'til Saturday to see Pineapple Express.

In other news, Hell freezes over...

Paris has just won points with me. Now I'm worried I'm going to fall in love with a Kirsten Dunst movie or buy a Celine Dion album. Obviously, anything is possible.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

(I'm sure everyone has already seen this, but I had to do it)

The One, Cont'd.

After an emergency quilting circle with Rach where we explored our feelings about this new ad from McCain, I have figured out what bothers me so much about it and can now express myself (somewhat) coherently. As is often the case with me, my response is two-fold. First, the incredibly sarcastic and condescending tone of the ad doesn't do much more than paint McCain and his campaign as bitter. It's not an attractive quality. Second, and this certainly is the more offensive of the two points, this ad doesn't just mock Obama, it mocks his supporters. Telling folks they are stupid for buying into an arrogant false prophet parading around as a messiah is not necessarily the best way to win friends and influence people. At least the "Celeb" ad deals in some way with the issues, mentioning taxes and offshore drilling. "The One" doesn't even bother to pretend to go through the motions. And perhaps the most condescending statement of all? In a press conference today, when asked about the turn his campaign has taken of late, McCain had the balls to say, "I don't think our campaign is negative in the slightest." I feel like, "How stupid does this guy think we are?" is going to become a tired refrain of mine. I told Rach I'll be so disappointed if these ads work on the American people, but she assures me they will not. And she has a degree in this stuff.

The One

So, just as I was getting good and worked up about the Paris/Britney thing, McCain drops this bomb on us. I'm stunned. I sincerely can't believe this is an official ad from the campaign of one of the two major party candidates for the highest office in this nation. While I try and figure out what the hell I want to say about this, I'll pass on the official response from the Obama campaign:

"It’s downright sad that on a day when we learned that 51,000 Americans lost their jobs, a candidate for the presidency is spending all of his time and the powerful platform he has on these sorts of juvenile antics. Senator McCain can keep telling everyone how ‘proud’ he is of these political stunts which even his Republican friends and advisors have called ‘childish’, but Barack Obama will continue talking about his plan to jumpstart our economy by giving working families $1,000 of immediate relief."

And One More Thing...

I was so blinded by the Britney/Paris aspect of John McCain's "Celeb" ad that I missed the part at the end where the narrator claims we can expect "more foreign oil" from Obama because he opposes offshore drilling. Um... I call bullshit. How stupid does the McCain campaign think we are? Offshore drilling, a highly controversial process, banned not by granola munching liberals but President Ronald Reagan, does not appear to be the answer to our energy problems in any way. At best it will be a band-aid seven to ten years down the road.


At a time when rapidly rising gas prices are an ever-increasing burden on the American people, it is an easy thing to say, "We'll just drill for more, people. Don't worry." McCain, himself, admitted the immediate benefits would only be psychological. As for the long term, possible effects on the environment range from mild to catastrophic depending on who you're talking to and no one seems to know how much oil is out there. Most sources estimate somewhere between 10 and 27 billion barrels, an amount that would last us only a few years. We need to decrease our dependence not just on foreign oil but on oil in general. Band-aids are not going to solve what is shaping up to be the most important issue facing this generation. We desperately need to aggressively pursue alternative energy sources. Does McCain honestly expect us to believe, of the two candidates we have to choose from, he's the one who's going to free us from our dependence on foreign oil? Until further notice, I'm standing by my call of bullshit.

Me, I Prefer the Queen of Hearts...

It's happened! It's finally happened! 'The Race Card' has been played! Who had July 31st in the pool? As far as WHO played it, we're still sorting that out. Obama said in a speech yesterday:

"What they're going to try to do is make you scared of me. You know, he's not patriotic enough, he's got a funny name, you know, he doesn't look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills."

The McCain camp couldn't jump on this fast enough, going crazy pointing at Obama and shouting "Race card! Race card!". The Obama camp released its counter-response:

"Barack Obama in no way believes that the McCain campaign is using race as an issue, but he does believe they're using the same old low-road politics to distract voters from the real issues in this campaign, and those are the issues he'll continue to talk about."

So, did Obama play the race card? Did McCain actually play it instead by accusing Obama of it? To tell you the truth, I'm just pissed off because I had August 17 in the pool. I really thought they were going to wait until a little closer to the conventions. Sigh.

Vice President Hillary?

If you were already clearing room on the bumper of your Prius for your "Obama/Clinton" sticker, you might want to hold off. Yesterday the news broke that Hillary has been asked to deliver the keynote address at the Democratic National Convention next month in Denver, a big flashing sign that she will most likely not be tapped for the VP spot. Hillary Night, as keynote Tuesday night will certainly be, also happens to be the 88th anniversary of women gaining the right to vote in this country. Reports claim Clinton will share the stage with ALL the women senators, but does that include the Republicans? (while writing that sentence I realized I had to google to make sure there are Republican female senators and there are - there are 5) Hopefully Hillary's supporters will be satisfied with Consolation Chickfest '08 and still come to the party.

I Couldn't Help Myself...

A little embarrassed that we'd let a month and a half go by without a post, I've been waiting for a big story to mark our grand dimpled comeback - A VP announcement, a sex scandal - something we could really sink our teeth into. But what can I do? John McCain compares Barack Obama to Britney and Paris in an official ad and I'm supposed to sit by and wait for him to appoint Mitt Romney or get caught diddling a Fox news analyst? I'm just not that strong. So here goes. My analysis in two parts:
1) I guess this is what McCain meant when he promised to run a respectful campaign.
2) Is Obama's popularity really the worst thing the McCain campaign can come up with to attack right now? It seems to me like McCain is standing in a corner stomping his foot and pouting about how people like Barack more than him. Very presidential. (Probably also bitter that the only celeb excited about him is the awesomeness that is Heidi Montag)

What We Missed...

The mouth is still sore (I will try and refrain from ooze talk) and I apologize - I've realized it's going to be a slow week here at Dimpled Chads. A recap of the top stories we missed yesterday and the official DC reactions - Gays marry in California (woohoo!), Al Gore endorses Barack Obama (what took you so long, Al?) and Amy Winehouse collapses and is rushed to the hospital (uh....boo?) Please stick with us until regular operations resume!

Farewell, Sweet Wisdom

Woefully licking my wounds and looking forward to Jamba Juice, but I will try and pull myself together for posting this afternoon. There must be some way I can tie this misery to the Republicans.

What Have We Become?

Every American should read this article. After an eight month investigation, the McClatchy newspaper chain (which includes my home town Miami Herald) has published a report exposing a number of abuses perpetrated by members of the American military in the name of the war on terror, as well as the innocence of many of the detainees held. I just finished the article and I'm sick to my stomach. I'm...I...I... Words escape me. These are the only ones I can find: When did we become the bad guys and is there any way to make it right?

Dead to Me, Dead

John McCain has intensified his response to the US Supreme Court Habeas Corpus Guantanamo Bay ruling I've been hanging streamers over. Yesterday, he simply disagreed with the decision. In a town hall meeting today, he called it "one of the worst decisions in the history of this country". That's it, John. Stop sending teddy bears. We're over. Don't call, don't write, don't email. And I'm deleting you from Facebook.

This Just In: Today Sucks Ass

Tim Russert died, Iowa is under water, R. Kelly was acquitted, Rachael's middle finger is out of commission and I have just been informed I have to have my wisdom teeth taken out first thing Monday morning. Happy Friday the 13th!

News from the Rachael Front:

In a Dimpled Chads exclusive, Rachael has asked me to relay these two very important pieces of information to you, our beloved readers:

1) Last night, in an unforeseen remote control incident, Rachael sprained her finger and typing is now "really hard"

2) Do not despair as she remains on unicorn watch.

We will keep you updated as the situation develops.

Third Base

When I first heard Barack Obama accuse John McCain of running for "George Bush's third term", I confess it didn't really ring true for me. I figured it was a political attempt to tie the Republican candidate to the most unpopular president ever. Selfishly, I wanted it to work if it helped our side, but I didn't buy in. This was John McCain, the maverick former POW who would never forsake the troops and often reached across the aisle. I was so happy when the Republicans chose him as their presumptive nominee, because, jeez, if John McCain is our worst choice, then we're in pretty good shape. And then McCain started pandering to his base. I thought we could brand him as a flip-flopper, but there was a part of me that believed the maverick was still there, laying in wait. After this week, I'm not so sure. Yesterday, the Supreme Court restored habeas corpus to prisoners in Guantanamo Bay. As the Dimpled Chads rejoiced, John McCain told reporters:

"These are unlawful combatants, they are not American citizens and I think we should pay attention to Justice Roberts' opinion in this decision."

That's conservative Chief Justice John Roberts, who did not agree with the majority decision. Less than a year ago, the John McCain I used to root for told reporters he would close the prison at Gitmo (which he still wants to do) and "truly expedite the judicial proceedings in their cases." This habeas corpus turnaround comes on the heels of the wiretapping flip flop and McCain's recent incredibly pro-Bush voting record. I'm so disappointed to say it, but I think Senator Obama might be on to something.

Sad News

Tim Russert, NBC News' Washington Bureau Chief and the longest running moderator ever of "Meet the Press", has passed away at the age of 58. He collapsed while recording voiceovers for "Meet the Press". I don't think I can do him the justice his colleagues can, so please read what they have to say. For us at Dimpled Chads, all we can say is that we send our deepest condolences to his family and we will miss him.

Who is that masked man?

Aside from what I already posted, one sentence from the news piece on today's Supreme Court ruling stood out to me:

"The majority consisted of the court's four liberals -- Justices John Paul Stevens, David Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer, plus the moderate conservative Kennedy, who often casts the decisive vote."

Actually, just that last bit. The US Supreme Court consists of four liberals who generally vote one way, four conservatives who usually vote the opposite way and Anthony Kennedy, "who often casts the decisive vote." I would bet most Americans have no idea who Anthony Kennedy is, and he is arguably one of the two most powerful people in the country. So I started doing research (read: looked him up on wikipedia), found out some stuff and then paused when I remembered the guy is not elected and has his job for life. Since there was nothing to be done here, I went back to reading about pigs in tiny boots.

Square Footage

I'm constantly hearing about how Americans can't find Iraq on a map. It even came up last night on the Daily Show, in Jon's interview with Rick Shenkman, who was there to pimp his book, "Just How Stupid Are We?" Perhaps I'm just making excuses for my poor geography skills, but does it really matter? I'm not promoting ignorance and I'm certainly not arguing we're on top of everything we need to be. I think Americans should know that Iraq is in the Middle East and generally where that is and I was appalled by Shenkman's claim that "only two out of five Americans know we have three branches of government and can name them". But what's the fascination with being able to find a specific country on the map? What exactly does that information do for us? We're not going to need to navigate there, are we? Most can find the US and our immediate neighbors. My guess is most can find Australia, China, Russia - the big ones (and by big I mean 'large', not 'important'). There are a lot of countries in the world. Isn't it more important that we know the issues we're dealing with in Iraq than where exactly it is on a map?

For those of you who are curious, here it is:

Open Letter of the Afternoon, RE: Crazy Talk

Dear Tom Cruise's Lawyer,

Apparently, in a statement to Page 6, you compared Dr. Drew Pinsky to notorious Nazi, Joseph Goebbels, for suggesting Tom Cruise may have been neglected as a child, leading him to get involved with a cult like Scientology. Goebbels was one of Hitler's closest associates, his Minister of Propaganda and the Nazi credited with first conceiving of state-sponsored attacks on Jews. Dr. Drew is a board certified internist who hosts Loveline and Celebrity Rehab. You might want to recheck, because I'm pretty sure these guys aren't the same thing at all.

Love,
Dimpled Chads

P.S. Dr. Drew has a point.

Habeas Corpus Lives!

In a stunning victory for all that is good in the world (because who expects that these days?), the Supreme Court has just ruled that prisoners in Guantanamo Bay do indeed have the right to habeas corpus (a legal action to protect people from unlawful imprisonment). This means every single one of them, some of whom have been there for years, can now go before a U.S. federal judge to challenge their detention. A massive blow to the Bush administration, this decision strikes down a law Dubya pushed through a 2006 Republican congress that stripped terrorism suspects of habeas corpus and officially designated them as "enemy combatants". Not one of the 270 prisoners at Gitmo (thanks, "A Few Good Men") have ever been charged with anything. In the dissenting opinion, Justice Antonin Scalia (in his role as Bush mouthpiece) said there would be "disastrous consequences of what the court has done today," and went on to say:

"Today, for the first time in our nation's history, the court confers a constitutional right to habeas corpus on alien enemies detained abroad by our military forces in the course of an ongoing war."

Of course, the only way we know these men are alien enemies is because the Bush administration, that bastion of truth, tells us so. What exactly is the harm of letting these guys have their day in court? If they are guilty of terrorism, their crimes will come to light. If they are some poor schmuck with a funny name rounded up in the name of the Patriot Act, hopefully a judge will send them home with our deepest apologies. Somehow, the checks and balances system of government devised by our founding fathers still works every once in while. This is an important step in restoring us to some sort of human decency as a nation. I have to go hang streamers while Rach orders our "Take That, Bush" sheet cake (white cake, buttercream frosting, mmmm) Score one for Harry!

Not Too Important?

John McCain told Matt Lauer today it's "not too important" when the troops come home from Iraq. He went on to say that what is important is keeping the troops who are in Iraq safe and eliminating casualties (for the record, he didn't say when that might happen, either). As he has repeatedly told us, McCain thinks that Iraq will be another Germany or South Korea. We'll have troops working there "for 100 years". Why has no one pointed out the faulty logic of this? Culturally, Iraq couldn't be more different from Germany or South Korea, countries that don't have warring ethnic groups or intrinsic hatred for imperialists from the West. The middle east is home to complicated conflicts that have gone on for thousands of years. Does McCain think our presence in Iraq is going to bring peace to the region? Because I don't know how he's ever going to stop angry people from strapping bombs to their bodies and plowing through US military barricades. We need to leave this nation we never should have invaded and let the people it rightfully belongs to figure it out for themselves (In fact, the current Iraqi government is already bristling at US plans to stay indefinitely).

That's the international answer to McCain's statement. As for the domestic one, it's not important when the troops come home? Please tell that to their families. I found the Senator's words chilling, thinking about the wives, mothers, fathers and sons who most certainly heard them and hope and pray desperately every day for their loved one's safe return. Please also tell that to our economy, which could use the three billion dollars a week we're spending in Iraq (up from the 2 billion I'd previously reported). If John McCain thinks his plan will work, I need him to show us why. I need him to tell us when the military can stop forcing soldiers to stay for double and triple tours of duty. I need him to tell us when most of the troops will come home, when we can reduce the amount of money we're spending on this war, and when those casualties will disappear. Because if he can't, all we're getting is more of what we have now, an indefinite statement that "the surge is working" and let's wait and see. It's just not good enough. It may not be too important to John McCain when the troops come home, but it is really important to us.

Meanwhile, Across the Aisle

Everyone seems to be SOOOOOOO interested in who Barack Obama's Vice Presidential running mate will be, but the question of who John McCain's will be, yawn, barely comes up. Lately, the scuttlebutt seems to suggest Mitt Romney, but from what I've seen it's mentioned only as a segue to talk more about Obama. "Well Jim, that was interesting, what you just said about McCain and the economy. Since he seems to be moving in the direction of Mitt Romney as VP, do you think Obama will pick Hillary Clinton?" Why is this? McCain, as we're nightly reminded by the talk show hosts, is OLD! He's older than Reagan was and we're not sure if Reagan knew his own name by the time he left office. McCain will be 72 by Inauguration Day. He could conceivably die in the next four years. Shouldn't we all be watching the Republican Vice Presidential vetting process a lot closer than Obama's (does anyone outside of Washington care one bit about the 'vetting the vetters' scandal)? I DON'T WANT PRESIDENT ROMNEY!!!

P.S. This picture of Dan Quayle is just a reminder of how terribly wrong a Vice Presidential choice can be.

I Know It When I See It...

Alex Kozinski, a high ranking federal judge, who just HAPPENS to be presiding over an obscenity case in Los Angeles, was caught with a publicly accessible website featuring some, let's say, compromising material on it. Judge Kozinski claims he didn't realize the public could access the site and took it down when it was brought to his attention that yes, yes they could. It was part of the second paragraph of the article in the Los Angeles Times that particularly caught my attention, and I of course immediately brought it to Rachael's:

"...included a photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal."

Our insightful commentary on this obviously important news piece went as follows:

Rachael: I'm not sure what this tells us about a person's um... "tastes". Is he aroused by hamburgers? Cows? Or just women painted as stuff?
Brittani: I don't know, I think my guess would be "livestock".

After that brilliant bit of debate, I continued reading the article and found out the case involves fetish videos depicting bestiality! The judge offered to recuse himself and I reported back to Rach:

Brittani: It said the defense did not object to the judge continuing to hear the case. NO SHIT!!!
Rachael: Well, the one who smelt it, dealt it.

Don't ever say we're not hard hitting serious journalists here at Dimpled Chads.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!

Unicorns exist.

I just thought you should know that.

I'm sorry, how does fist bump = terrorism again?

I don’t know about you but every time some idiotic news item erupts around something the uncool side of the aisle ties to terrorism, I get really REALLY REALLY overwhelmed and exhausted at the thought of even trying to come up with a reasoned, rational argument for why these conflations are not only patently false but deeply irresponsible and quite frankly unpatriotic. It’s so obvious I can’t even imagine spending brain power on this bullshit!

And then I realized, wait. Those of us “in the know” popculturally, could use this as an opportunity to take down things we happen to hate. I don’t hate the fist bump Michelle gave Obama (in fact I think it’s an adorable sign of the times that wives nowadays don’t just bat their eyes at their other halves but are peers, co-eds, who share a sense of humor and would rather bump fists than dork out with a high five) but I do hate things like, I dunno Paris Hilton, The Duff Sisters and stretch pants.

What I think is going on here is that right-wing nuts are hilariously out of touch with youth-culture and so every little quirky millennial trend like SCARVES WITH FRINGE gets them all out of sorts and the only thing they know how to do is call it terrorism. Here’s hoping they don’t catch on to my personal fave saying “w00t” and stick with heiresses and movies like The Love Guru to stick in their little McCarthy machine and pop it out “terrorism.”

To sleep no more...

Y'all have probably already heard this, but I just learned what Barack Obama did with the precious weekend off he earned after clinching the Democratic nomination. This guy hasn't slept for months and won't sleep for months to come. If I were the B.O.B. (and not just the B.O.R.) I would have put him on bed rest or sent him to a spa. Barack, however, opted for a slightly different direction.

He hosted a slumber party for eight 7 year-olds for his daughter's birthday! Let me paint you a picture. 1984. A warm January night in Miami Beach. 3 A.M. My father comes barreling into my room and uses his rarely brought out but very scary shout-y voice to convince me and my girlfriends to stop screaming and get in bed (we thought we'd seen a large green bug in the doorway - turns out it was a hideous ceramic mezuzah I'd made in Saturday school - a career as an artist was not in my future). I cried and told him none of the other girls' dads yelled at us at their sleepovers. I thought I would never recover from the embarrassment and slumber parties were banned in my house forever more.

His one weekend off. Oh, Barack.

The Old White Dudes Strike Again...

After blocking the climate change bill last week, Senate Republicans added to their impressive track record today by voting down a Democratic proposal to impose a windfall profits tax on the oil companies and end the billions of dollars of tax breaks they currently receive. With gas prices reaching record highs practically every day and the oil companies raking it in while the rest of the economy suffers, I can't imagine why we'd want to stop subsidizing them and force them to share a little bit of those record profits to, oh, I don't know, just brainstorming here, start coming up with alternative energy options! This election can't come soon enough for my taste (FYI - Obama would have voted for, McCain against). Score another one for Voldemort.

P.S. This picture has nothing to do with anything except it came up when Rach googled 'old white dude' and it made us both giggle.

Well, duh

I know Jon Stewart begs us not to get our news from him, but seriously, is there a better way? He sheds light on dark corners, points out sides to stories we hadn't noticed and makes us laugh, all at the same time. Last night, he was crazed about the fact that no one is reporting on the just released Senate Intelligence Report Number Two that states the Bush administration misled us to garner support for the war in Iraq:

I love me some Jon Stewart, but it seems to me that the reason no one is bothering with this story is that we all ALREADY KNOW THE BASTARDS LIED THEIR ASSES OFF TO US!!! Really, is the fact that the Senate finally put it down on paper all that newsworthy?

It's the Economy, Stupid

The first official day of the Obama-McCain battle has been all about the economy. Obama has been blasting Republican policies and McCain fought back by saying "Obama says I'm running for George Bush's third term, it seems to me he's running for Jimmy Carter's second." In other words, McCain is falling back on traditional partisan economic arguments, i.e. that Republicans want smaller government and lower taxes and Democrats are giant tax and spend monsters. What I don't understand is how someone who wants to spend two billion dollars a week in Iraq can even attempt to make that argument. The old paradigm is outdated and irrelevant. The economy was in brilliant shape during the Clinton administration and not so much with the Bushies. I'm just now realizing that nothing about this post brings the funny. Sorry. I'll try and get Rach to do something else about Mitt Romney's tan.

Lovable Losers

So Hillary swallowed her pride, shelved her considerable ambitions, gave a great speech and now we kind of love her. It got me to thinking. What is it about American politics that after we don't vote for them, we end up loving our losers? Hillary charmed us with her grace, commitment to the party and the history she finally embraced, Jimmy Carter became a humanitarian building homes for the homeless and traipsing around the globe literally trying to bring about world peace and Al Gore spends his days desperately trying to save us from ourselves and racking up awards. He also loosened up (after losing the election primarily for being a robot made of wood, you know aside from the whole Florida, election stealing dimpled chads thing) and made us laugh on Saturday Night Live, a show that also made lovable losers of a couple of the folks across the aisle, George H.W. Bush and Bob Dole. Maybe if some of these people had let out their human sides earlier they would have won their respective elections (not counting the ones who screwed up their presidencies). Or maybe not. But we love them anyway.

The FF Word

What made me insane about the 2004 election was that the Democrats lost based on how one question was poorly answered. "You supported the war, and then you didn't. Can you explain that, Senator Kerry?" I was dying for him to say, "Well, we were given faulty information and the country as a whole was suffering from shock. Now we're more rational and we have better information. Just like most of our citizens, I've changed my mind. It has become clear this is a bad war." He could have even gotten in some good digs about how the Bush administration lied to us, leading to the earlier misguided stance. Inexplicably, Kerry instead said, "Well, uh, I, uh...." and the Republicans effectively painted a picture that ended an election.

Fast forward to 2008 and the presidential campaign of John McCain. Here is a guy who, in 2000, was touted as the "maverick Republican" and rode "The Straight Talk Express". Now that he needs the support of his Republican base, his own platform falls very much in line with the hard core conservatives, he voted with President Bush 95% of the time last year and 100% this year, and even changed his stance on wiretapping from just six months ago!

Who is John McCain? The just right of center guy we all remember or the traditional status quo Republican he is now portraying himself to be to his base? Should we take him at his current word and actions (as he would like the conservatives to think) or at his past word and actions (as he'd like the centrists and liberals to believe)? What a shocker. A politician trying to be everything to everyone. Is it just me, or do the Republicans have the biggest Flip Flopper EVER on their hands? I know we're Democrats, and we normally leave this sort of thing to our friends across the aisle, but can't we, I don't know, perhaps, make USE OF THIS???

Hangover Thought

Last night I spotted a guy wearing this in a crowded bar:

I first wondered why, when dressing for a Saturday night out at a popular gathering place for people hoping to partake in a classic mating ritual (read: get laid), one might choose to wear a campaign t-shirt of any kind (they don't necessarily shout 'I'm the sex god you've been looking for ever since you joined the Jon Bon Jovi fan club in the 8th grade and slept with his picture underneath your pillow every night for a year'). Aside from that, however, this particular gathering place happens to be in what is often referred to as the People's Republic of Santa Monica (you know, because it's of the liberal persuasion). I wanted to go up to the poor boy and say in gentle sincerity, "Are you lost?" and then help him figure out which freeway would take him wherever he needed to go. In all likelihood, it was the 5.

Hillary 20??

As Rach dealt with some Dimpled Chad technical difficulties, I pondered this question - will Hillary run again? Despite the fact that a failed bid usually let's the air out of political tires, Hillary is obviously an ambitious girl. And she came out of today's speech smelling like roses. Imagine if she spends the next four or eight years (depending on if we put Obama in the White House this time round or not) pulling an Al Gore - becoming the woman we wanted her to be and improving her image in the public eye as well as piling on more senatorial (or even vice presidential) experience? Somehow I don't see her as the type to pass up a second chance in favor of saving the world from global warming. Given these circumstances, I think she absolutely will run again. And if not, the Clintons have one last rabbit left in their hat. I'm putting my money in the pool right now - here comes Chelsea 2028.

Big Brown?

I dunno, people are yapping about that. When I Googled "Big Brown," I got this:

Cutest Family EVA

Could Obama's daughters BE ANY CUTER?! Oh and his reaction to Hillary's speech:

"I honor her today for the valiant and historic campaign she has run," he said in a statement. "She shattered barriers on behalf of my daughters and women everywhere, who now know that there are no limits to their dreams."

Cutting Off Your Nose To Spite Your Face

Really, Hillary supporters? You'd rather vote for John McCain than Barack Obama? You've followed this woman with your heart and soul. I get that. You feel like Obama was unfair to her and you're upset at him. I get that, too. But from all accounts, Hillary Clinton's and Barack Obama's campaign platforms are virtually identical. Do you really want to pass on putting someone in the White House who will fight for what you believe in and instead vote for a pro-life, pro-war, pro-wiretapping Republican, just because your feelings are hurt? My mother had a phrase for that sort of thing when I was growing up: cutting off your nose to spite your face. Hillary Clinton is clearly voting for Barack Obama. For the good of all of us, I beg you to take your cue from your candidate and do the same.

Why We're Kind of Loving Hillary Right Now

So, I had to be somewhere and left the heavy lifting to Rach on the concession recap, but I can't help myself. I have to chime in. That was a hell of a speech. A few days ago I said we should give Hillary the benefit of the doubt and boy was I right. Today we saw a woman who four days ago was still clinging to the belief there was some way she could win the nomination rise remarkably to the occasion. These Clintons are amazing politicians. Hillary's party, essentially as one, told her on Wednesday she would have to concede. It was medicine we all know she wanted no part of, but instead of swallowing it through gritted teeth and doing the bare minimum required of her, Hillary stood up today in front of a crowd that also wanted no part of concession and did her absolute best to unite the party. She forged on through boos, willing her supporters to join her in the fight for a democratic White House and eventually turning those boos into cheers. For the first time, I truly believe Hillary Clinton sincerely wants what is best for the democratic party and the nation.

As Rachael said, she finally embraced the historical nature of her campaign. Obama ignited our imagination with hope and possibility. Today I see Hillary could have done the same. I ached for this Hillary earlier, but I am so glad she has arrived. It is worth noting that here at DC headquarters we were against Hillary as VP when we woke up this morning and now we're thinking, hmmm.... not the worst idea ever. Wow. I just realized if that was a calculated move, she really is an evil genius. Whatever the motivation, the speech was everything I wanted it to be. When Hillary proclaimed "Yes We Can!" I believed her and I got choked up. It was the moment, to me, when Hillary Clinton officially joined the Barack Obama presidential campaign in whatever capacity she is asked to fill. She was magnificent and I kind of love her.

Why the Young 'uns <3 Obama

CNN is holding a panel right now, a little postmortem on this campaign season and the parallels between now and 1968. David Gergen was one of several on the panel who pointed out that a major part of Obama’s success this year has to do with a youth movement similar to the one Bobby Kennedy tapped into all those years ago. He talked about how the youth of America are being drawn in and are unhappy with politics as usual in America. Which I felt was right on (I have a crush on Gergen by the way because he always seems to articulate what it is I’m thinking of and assume he was better looking in his youth). Anyway, the guy sitting to his left interrupted him and said, “But I’m confused about what they WANT? I mean, what are these people looking for that show up to an Obama rally???”

I wasn’t happy with any of the 40+ year olds answers to that question on the panel so here’s an approximate list of the way I, 28 year old white girl, views my country. I'm going to speak for every single person ever so .

1. It’s hard to tell the difference between the two parties anymore in terms of the deep rooted hold special interests and lobbyists have on both groups. The fact that, to a certain degree, Obama spoke out about that, was extremely powerful.

2. We know first hand how shitty our school system is…and we also know how expensive it’s getting to go to college. And we know that African-Americans suffer at the hands of this system more than anyone of us and we think fixing this is key to making our country better.

3. We really want to help…get down and help, not sign-up for more credit cards and buy stuff like iPods (fine, maybe we want our iPods but we want to help too!). No one took that desire sleeping within us to serve our country if someone would just lead the way seriously except Obama.

4. While the baby boomers were talking about the similarities between Iraq and Vietnam and hawks squawked about the inherent evil that characterized our “enemies” after 9-11, we scratched our heads and thought they were all full of shit. We’ve grown-up playing tic-tac-toe on the Internet against a kid living in the United Arab Emirates. We’ve grown up watching movies and reading books and understand that in this age of global interconnectedness it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize someone doesn’t just wake-up and decide to do evil. No, we know that it’s about arms dealings …. Money trading hands….long power struggles…..oil……someone else similar in age to us living in a place that offers him no hope....all that. We needed someone to speak our language, someone who could describe how complicated and nuanced the world was without sounding like he has a stick up his ass. Obama did that.

5. We wanted someone who could rise above the same political game that has been playing out our entire lifetime. Even when Bill Clinton was in office, the Republicans were setting the terms of the debate: pandering to our worst fears and empowering the voters that lurk in the darkest corners of bigotry and misogyny in this country. They called the Democrats wimpy latte drinkers and the Dems scrambled to say, “nuh uh!”. Obama came along and laid out some new ground rules. He made it clear we wouldn’t be dragged down some inane conversation about good and evil nor would he be proving to anyone how much Jesus matters to him. He took a chance on our better nature, as a whole country, and we responded.

Hillary's Exit

Well it was not only the speech of a lifetime, but the speech a lot of us younger women who have felt alienated and disillusioned by politics for most of our lifetimes wish she would have delivered in the beginning. She talked about the cracks she made in the biggest glass ceiling of all and that she isn't someone running for president who happens to be a woman (the way she started out)... but that she was a woman who ran for president. Instead of belittling and chiding a message of hope, she adopted it.

People! Don't be sad...these are historic and amazing times that I am so excited I got to witness.

CNN is reporting on the part that really bothers me: the bitterness her supporters are expressing as they leave the speech area, the idea that, "Obama better pick her as the VP or I won't vote for him." My God people greater good. Take your anger out on the evil ones, not Obama who is in the middle of transforming the democratic party and brought millions of new voters into the fold. These are things to be glad about and celebrate. In other words, it's bigger than your own disappointment. You can bet if Hillary were the nominee right now Dimpled Chads would be pumped and ready to help our woman beat McCain to a pulp. So climb on board the Obama train, it's lots of fun, we throw good parties, and remember this is about our country and our future.

Concession Watch: OJ Style

The alarm went off and I dragged myself out of bed on this comfy Saturday morning so I wouldn't miss a second of Hillary's highly anticipated concession event. When I turned on the television, however, instead of loser confetti I was greeted by... a static shot of an SUV outside of Hillary's house. So she's running late. It's a political campaign - aren't they always running late? Shouldn't the TV people be prepared for that? Off the top of my head, I might try to fill with an insightful recap of the primary season, footage of past speeches, etc. What do we get instead? An insightful shot of an SUV and the brilliant commentary, "When will she leave the house?"

Oh, OJ. Your influence is farther reaching than you ever imagined.

Concession Watch

It has occurred to me there is only one thing I need to hear Hillary say tomorrow - "...the next President of the United States of America - Barack Obama!" Anything more is icing on the cake, but anything less and I'm going to be disappointed.

Behind Closed Doors

A few hours ago the news broke that the undisclosed location Hillary and Obama met at yesterday was Dianne Feinstein's house. Supposedly the two met alone in a closed living room with no aides present and Feinstein working upstairs. Am I the only one who pictures the esteemed senator from the great state of California kneeling next to the door with a glass to her ear?

Mission to Mars

John McCain just told a reporter in a town meeting in Florida that he hopes we will send a man to Mars. My first thought was, is he trying to be Kennedy? That thought was almost immediately eclipsed by, "How the hell are we going to pay for that in this economy?" Oh, wait. Some estimates put the cost of a manned mission to Mars at 11 billion dollars. We're spending 2 billion dollars a week in Iraq. If we got out of there, Mr. McCain, we could fund your intriguing space trip in 5 and a half weeks. Hmmmm.....