What We Missed...

The mouth is still sore (I will try and refrain from ooze talk) and I apologize - I've realized it's going to be a slow week here at Dimpled Chads. A recap of the top stories we missed yesterday and the official DC reactions - Gays marry in California (woohoo!), Al Gore endorses Barack Obama (what took you so long, Al?) and Amy Winehouse collapses and is rushed to the hospital (uh....boo?) Please stick with us until regular operations resume!

Farewell, Sweet Wisdom

Woefully licking my wounds and looking forward to Jamba Juice, but I will try and pull myself together for posting this afternoon. There must be some way I can tie this misery to the Republicans.

What Have We Become?

Every American should read this article. After an eight month investigation, the McClatchy newspaper chain (which includes my home town Miami Herald) has published a report exposing a number of abuses perpetrated by members of the American military in the name of the war on terror, as well as the innocence of many of the detainees held. I just finished the article and I'm sick to my stomach. I'm...I...I... Words escape me. These are the only ones I can find: When did we become the bad guys and is there any way to make it right?

Dead to Me, Dead

John McCain has intensified his response to the US Supreme Court Habeas Corpus Guantanamo Bay ruling I've been hanging streamers over. Yesterday, he simply disagreed with the decision. In a town hall meeting today, he called it "one of the worst decisions in the history of this country". That's it, John. Stop sending teddy bears. We're over. Don't call, don't write, don't email. And I'm deleting you from Facebook.

This Just In: Today Sucks Ass

Tim Russert died, Iowa is under water, R. Kelly was acquitted, Rachael's middle finger is out of commission and I have just been informed I have to have my wisdom teeth taken out first thing Monday morning. Happy Friday the 13th!

News from the Rachael Front:

In a Dimpled Chads exclusive, Rachael has asked me to relay these two very important pieces of information to you, our beloved readers:

1) Last night, in an unforeseen remote control incident, Rachael sprained her finger and typing is now "really hard"

2) Do not despair as she remains on unicorn watch.

We will keep you updated as the situation develops.

Third Base

When I first heard Barack Obama accuse John McCain of running for "George Bush's third term", I confess it didn't really ring true for me. I figured it was a political attempt to tie the Republican candidate to the most unpopular president ever. Selfishly, I wanted it to work if it helped our side, but I didn't buy in. This was John McCain, the maverick former POW who would never forsake the troops and often reached across the aisle. I was so happy when the Republicans chose him as their presumptive nominee, because, jeez, if John McCain is our worst choice, then we're in pretty good shape. And then McCain started pandering to his base. I thought we could brand him as a flip-flopper, but there was a part of me that believed the maverick was still there, laying in wait. After this week, I'm not so sure. Yesterday, the Supreme Court restored habeas corpus to prisoners in Guantanamo Bay. As the Dimpled Chads rejoiced, John McCain told reporters:

"These are unlawful combatants, they are not American citizens and I think we should pay attention to Justice Roberts' opinion in this decision."

That's conservative Chief Justice John Roberts, who did not agree with the majority decision. Less than a year ago, the John McCain I used to root for told reporters he would close the prison at Gitmo (which he still wants to do) and "truly expedite the judicial proceedings in their cases." This habeas corpus turnaround comes on the heels of the wiretapping flip flop and McCain's recent incredibly pro-Bush voting record. I'm so disappointed to say it, but I think Senator Obama might be on to something.

Sad News

Tim Russert, NBC News' Washington Bureau Chief and the longest running moderator ever of "Meet the Press", has passed away at the age of 58. He collapsed while recording voiceovers for "Meet the Press". I don't think I can do him the justice his colleagues can, so please read what they have to say. For us at Dimpled Chads, all we can say is that we send our deepest condolences to his family and we will miss him.

Who is that masked man?

Aside from what I already posted, one sentence from the news piece on today's Supreme Court ruling stood out to me:

"The majority consisted of the court's four liberals -- Justices John Paul Stevens, David Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer, plus the moderate conservative Kennedy, who often casts the decisive vote."

Actually, just that last bit. The US Supreme Court consists of four liberals who generally vote one way, four conservatives who usually vote the opposite way and Anthony Kennedy, "who often casts the decisive vote." I would bet most Americans have no idea who Anthony Kennedy is, and he is arguably one of the two most powerful people in the country. So I started doing research (read: looked him up on wikipedia), found out some stuff and then paused when I remembered the guy is not elected and has his job for life. Since there was nothing to be done here, I went back to reading about pigs in tiny boots.

Square Footage

I'm constantly hearing about how Americans can't find Iraq on a map. It even came up last night on the Daily Show, in Jon's interview with Rick Shenkman, who was there to pimp his book, "Just How Stupid Are We?" Perhaps I'm just making excuses for my poor geography skills, but does it really matter? I'm not promoting ignorance and I'm certainly not arguing we're on top of everything we need to be. I think Americans should know that Iraq is in the Middle East and generally where that is and I was appalled by Shenkman's claim that "only two out of five Americans know we have three branches of government and can name them". But what's the fascination with being able to find a specific country on the map? What exactly does that information do for us? We're not going to need to navigate there, are we? Most can find the US and our immediate neighbors. My guess is most can find Australia, China, Russia - the big ones (and by big I mean 'large', not 'important'). There are a lot of countries in the world. Isn't it more important that we know the issues we're dealing with in Iraq than where exactly it is on a map?

For those of you who are curious, here it is:

Open Letter of the Afternoon, RE: Crazy Talk

Dear Tom Cruise's Lawyer,

Apparently, in a statement to Page 6, you compared Dr. Drew Pinsky to notorious Nazi, Joseph Goebbels, for suggesting Tom Cruise may have been neglected as a child, leading him to get involved with a cult like Scientology. Goebbels was one of Hitler's closest associates, his Minister of Propaganda and the Nazi credited with first conceiving of state-sponsored attacks on Jews. Dr. Drew is a board certified internist who hosts Loveline and Celebrity Rehab. You might want to recheck, because I'm pretty sure these guys aren't the same thing at all.

Love,
Dimpled Chads

P.S. Dr. Drew has a point.

Habeas Corpus Lives!

In a stunning victory for all that is good in the world (because who expects that these days?), the Supreme Court has just ruled that prisoners in Guantanamo Bay do indeed have the right to habeas corpus (a legal action to protect people from unlawful imprisonment). This means every single one of them, some of whom have been there for years, can now go before a U.S. federal judge to challenge their detention. A massive blow to the Bush administration, this decision strikes down a law Dubya pushed through a 2006 Republican congress that stripped terrorism suspects of habeas corpus and officially designated them as "enemy combatants". Not one of the 270 prisoners at Gitmo (thanks, "A Few Good Men") have ever been charged with anything. In the dissenting opinion, Justice Antonin Scalia (in his role as Bush mouthpiece) said there would be "disastrous consequences of what the court has done today," and went on to say:

"Today, for the first time in our nation's history, the court confers a constitutional right to habeas corpus on alien enemies detained abroad by our military forces in the course of an ongoing war."

Of course, the only way we know these men are alien enemies is because the Bush administration, that bastion of truth, tells us so. What exactly is the harm of letting these guys have their day in court? If they are guilty of terrorism, their crimes will come to light. If they are some poor schmuck with a funny name rounded up in the name of the Patriot Act, hopefully a judge will send them home with our deepest apologies. Somehow, the checks and balances system of government devised by our founding fathers still works every once in while. This is an important step in restoring us to some sort of human decency as a nation. I have to go hang streamers while Rach orders our "Take That, Bush" sheet cake (white cake, buttercream frosting, mmmm) Score one for Harry!

Not Too Important?

John McCain told Matt Lauer today it's "not too important" when the troops come home from Iraq. He went on to say that what is important is keeping the troops who are in Iraq safe and eliminating casualties (for the record, he didn't say when that might happen, either). As he has repeatedly told us, McCain thinks that Iraq will be another Germany or South Korea. We'll have troops working there "for 100 years". Why has no one pointed out the faulty logic of this? Culturally, Iraq couldn't be more different from Germany or South Korea, countries that don't have warring ethnic groups or intrinsic hatred for imperialists from the West. The middle east is home to complicated conflicts that have gone on for thousands of years. Does McCain think our presence in Iraq is going to bring peace to the region? Because I don't know how he's ever going to stop angry people from strapping bombs to their bodies and plowing through US military barricades. We need to leave this nation we never should have invaded and let the people it rightfully belongs to figure it out for themselves (In fact, the current Iraqi government is already bristling at US plans to stay indefinitely).

That's the international answer to McCain's statement. As for the domestic one, it's not important when the troops come home? Please tell that to their families. I found the Senator's words chilling, thinking about the wives, mothers, fathers and sons who most certainly heard them and hope and pray desperately every day for their loved one's safe return. Please also tell that to our economy, which could use the three billion dollars a week we're spending in Iraq (up from the 2 billion I'd previously reported). If John McCain thinks his plan will work, I need him to show us why. I need him to tell us when the military can stop forcing soldiers to stay for double and triple tours of duty. I need him to tell us when most of the troops will come home, when we can reduce the amount of money we're spending on this war, and when those casualties will disappear. Because if he can't, all we're getting is more of what we have now, an indefinite statement that "the surge is working" and let's wait and see. It's just not good enough. It may not be too important to John McCain when the troops come home, but it is really important to us.

Meanwhile, Across the Aisle

Everyone seems to be SOOOOOOO interested in who Barack Obama's Vice Presidential running mate will be, but the question of who John McCain's will be, yawn, barely comes up. Lately, the scuttlebutt seems to suggest Mitt Romney, but from what I've seen it's mentioned only as a segue to talk more about Obama. "Well Jim, that was interesting, what you just said about McCain and the economy. Since he seems to be moving in the direction of Mitt Romney as VP, do you think Obama will pick Hillary Clinton?" Why is this? McCain, as we're nightly reminded by the talk show hosts, is OLD! He's older than Reagan was and we're not sure if Reagan knew his own name by the time he left office. McCain will be 72 by Inauguration Day. He could conceivably die in the next four years. Shouldn't we all be watching the Republican Vice Presidential vetting process a lot closer than Obama's (does anyone outside of Washington care one bit about the 'vetting the vetters' scandal)? I DON'T WANT PRESIDENT ROMNEY!!!

P.S. This picture of Dan Quayle is just a reminder of how terribly wrong a Vice Presidential choice can be.

I Know It When I See It...

Alex Kozinski, a high ranking federal judge, who just HAPPENS to be presiding over an obscenity case in Los Angeles, was caught with a publicly accessible website featuring some, let's say, compromising material on it. Judge Kozinski claims he didn't realize the public could access the site and took it down when it was brought to his attention that yes, yes they could. It was part of the second paragraph of the article in the Los Angeles Times that particularly caught my attention, and I of course immediately brought it to Rachael's:

"...included a photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal."

Our insightful commentary on this obviously important news piece went as follows:

Rachael: I'm not sure what this tells us about a person's um... "tastes". Is he aroused by hamburgers? Cows? Or just women painted as stuff?
Brittani: I don't know, I think my guess would be "livestock".

After that brilliant bit of debate, I continued reading the article and found out the case involves fetish videos depicting bestiality! The judge offered to recuse himself and I reported back to Rach:

Brittani: It said the defense did not object to the judge continuing to hear the case. NO SHIT!!!
Rachael: Well, the one who smelt it, dealt it.

Don't ever say we're not hard hitting serious journalists here at Dimpled Chads.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!

Unicorns exist.

I just thought you should know that.

I'm sorry, how does fist bump = terrorism again?

I don’t know about you but every time some idiotic news item erupts around something the uncool side of the aisle ties to terrorism, I get really REALLY REALLY overwhelmed and exhausted at the thought of even trying to come up with a reasoned, rational argument for why these conflations are not only patently false but deeply irresponsible and quite frankly unpatriotic. It’s so obvious I can’t even imagine spending brain power on this bullshit!

And then I realized, wait. Those of us “in the know” popculturally, could use this as an opportunity to take down things we happen to hate. I don’t hate the fist bump Michelle gave Obama (in fact I think it’s an adorable sign of the times that wives nowadays don’t just bat their eyes at their other halves but are peers, co-eds, who share a sense of humor and would rather bump fists than dork out with a high five) but I do hate things like, I dunno Paris Hilton, The Duff Sisters and stretch pants.

What I think is going on here is that right-wing nuts are hilariously out of touch with youth-culture and so every little quirky millennial trend like SCARVES WITH FRINGE gets them all out of sorts and the only thing they know how to do is call it terrorism. Here’s hoping they don’t catch on to my personal fave saying “w00t” and stick with heiresses and movies like The Love Guru to stick in their little McCarthy machine and pop it out “terrorism.”

To sleep no more...

Y'all have probably already heard this, but I just learned what Barack Obama did with the precious weekend off he earned after clinching the Democratic nomination. This guy hasn't slept for months and won't sleep for months to come. If I were the B.O.B. (and not just the B.O.R.) I would have put him on bed rest or sent him to a spa. Barack, however, opted for a slightly different direction.

He hosted a slumber party for eight 7 year-olds for his daughter's birthday! Let me paint you a picture. 1984. A warm January night in Miami Beach. 3 A.M. My father comes barreling into my room and uses his rarely brought out but very scary shout-y voice to convince me and my girlfriends to stop screaming and get in bed (we thought we'd seen a large green bug in the doorway - turns out it was a hideous ceramic mezuzah I'd made in Saturday school - a career as an artist was not in my future). I cried and told him none of the other girls' dads yelled at us at their sleepovers. I thought I would never recover from the embarrassment and slumber parties were banned in my house forever more.

His one weekend off. Oh, Barack.

The Old White Dudes Strike Again...

After blocking the climate change bill last week, Senate Republicans added to their impressive track record today by voting down a Democratic proposal to impose a windfall profits tax on the oil companies and end the billions of dollars of tax breaks they currently receive. With gas prices reaching record highs practically every day and the oil companies raking it in while the rest of the economy suffers, I can't imagine why we'd want to stop subsidizing them and force them to share a little bit of those record profits to, oh, I don't know, just brainstorming here, start coming up with alternative energy options! This election can't come soon enough for my taste (FYI - Obama would have voted for, McCain against). Score another one for Voldemort.

P.S. This picture has nothing to do with anything except it came up when Rach googled 'old white dude' and it made us both giggle.

Well, duh

I know Jon Stewart begs us not to get our news from him, but seriously, is there a better way? He sheds light on dark corners, points out sides to stories we hadn't noticed and makes us laugh, all at the same time. Last night, he was crazed about the fact that no one is reporting on the just released Senate Intelligence Report Number Two that states the Bush administration misled us to garner support for the war in Iraq:

I love me some Jon Stewart, but it seems to me that the reason no one is bothering with this story is that we all ALREADY KNOW THE BASTARDS LIED THEIR ASSES OFF TO US!!! Really, is the fact that the Senate finally put it down on paper all that newsworthy?

It's the Economy, Stupid

The first official day of the Obama-McCain battle has been all about the economy. Obama has been blasting Republican policies and McCain fought back by saying "Obama says I'm running for George Bush's third term, it seems to me he's running for Jimmy Carter's second." In other words, McCain is falling back on traditional partisan economic arguments, i.e. that Republicans want smaller government and lower taxes and Democrats are giant tax and spend monsters. What I don't understand is how someone who wants to spend two billion dollars a week in Iraq can even attempt to make that argument. The old paradigm is outdated and irrelevant. The economy was in brilliant shape during the Clinton administration and not so much with the Bushies. I'm just now realizing that nothing about this post brings the funny. Sorry. I'll try and get Rach to do something else about Mitt Romney's tan.

Lovable Losers

So Hillary swallowed her pride, shelved her considerable ambitions, gave a great speech and now we kind of love her. It got me to thinking. What is it about American politics that after we don't vote for them, we end up loving our losers? Hillary charmed us with her grace, commitment to the party and the history she finally embraced, Jimmy Carter became a humanitarian building homes for the homeless and traipsing around the globe literally trying to bring about world peace and Al Gore spends his days desperately trying to save us from ourselves and racking up awards. He also loosened up (after losing the election primarily for being a robot made of wood, you know aside from the whole Florida, election stealing dimpled chads thing) and made us laugh on Saturday Night Live, a show that also made lovable losers of a couple of the folks across the aisle, George H.W. Bush and Bob Dole. Maybe if some of these people had let out their human sides earlier they would have won their respective elections (not counting the ones who screwed up their presidencies). Or maybe not. But we love them anyway.

The FF Word

What made me insane about the 2004 election was that the Democrats lost based on how one question was poorly answered. "You supported the war, and then you didn't. Can you explain that, Senator Kerry?" I was dying for him to say, "Well, we were given faulty information and the country as a whole was suffering from shock. Now we're more rational and we have better information. Just like most of our citizens, I've changed my mind. It has become clear this is a bad war." He could have even gotten in some good digs about how the Bush administration lied to us, leading to the earlier misguided stance. Inexplicably, Kerry instead said, "Well, uh, I, uh...." and the Republicans effectively painted a picture that ended an election.

Fast forward to 2008 and the presidential campaign of John McCain. Here is a guy who, in 2000, was touted as the "maverick Republican" and rode "The Straight Talk Express". Now that he needs the support of his Republican base, his own platform falls very much in line with the hard core conservatives, he voted with President Bush 95% of the time last year and 100% this year, and even changed his stance on wiretapping from just six months ago!

Who is John McCain? The just right of center guy we all remember or the traditional status quo Republican he is now portraying himself to be to his base? Should we take him at his current word and actions (as he would like the conservatives to think) or at his past word and actions (as he'd like the centrists and liberals to believe)? What a shocker. A politician trying to be everything to everyone. Is it just me, or do the Republicans have the biggest Flip Flopper EVER on their hands? I know we're Democrats, and we normally leave this sort of thing to our friends across the aisle, but can't we, I don't know, perhaps, make USE OF THIS???

Hangover Thought

Last night I spotted a guy wearing this in a crowded bar:

I first wondered why, when dressing for a Saturday night out at a popular gathering place for people hoping to partake in a classic mating ritual (read: get laid), one might choose to wear a campaign t-shirt of any kind (they don't necessarily shout 'I'm the sex god you've been looking for ever since you joined the Jon Bon Jovi fan club in the 8th grade and slept with his picture underneath your pillow every night for a year'). Aside from that, however, this particular gathering place happens to be in what is often referred to as the People's Republic of Santa Monica (you know, because it's of the liberal persuasion). I wanted to go up to the poor boy and say in gentle sincerity, "Are you lost?" and then help him figure out which freeway would take him wherever he needed to go. In all likelihood, it was the 5.

Hillary 20??

As Rach dealt with some Dimpled Chad technical difficulties, I pondered this question - will Hillary run again? Despite the fact that a failed bid usually let's the air out of political tires, Hillary is obviously an ambitious girl. And she came out of today's speech smelling like roses. Imagine if she spends the next four or eight years (depending on if we put Obama in the White House this time round or not) pulling an Al Gore - becoming the woman we wanted her to be and improving her image in the public eye as well as piling on more senatorial (or even vice presidential) experience? Somehow I don't see her as the type to pass up a second chance in favor of saving the world from global warming. Given these circumstances, I think she absolutely will run again. And if not, the Clintons have one last rabbit left in their hat. I'm putting my money in the pool right now - here comes Chelsea 2028.

Big Brown?

I dunno, people are yapping about that. When I Googled "Big Brown," I got this:

Cutest Family EVA

Could Obama's daughters BE ANY CUTER?! Oh and his reaction to Hillary's speech:

"I honor her today for the valiant and historic campaign she has run," he said in a statement. "She shattered barriers on behalf of my daughters and women everywhere, who now know that there are no limits to their dreams."

Cutting Off Your Nose To Spite Your Face

Really, Hillary supporters? You'd rather vote for John McCain than Barack Obama? You've followed this woman with your heart and soul. I get that. You feel like Obama was unfair to her and you're upset at him. I get that, too. But from all accounts, Hillary Clinton's and Barack Obama's campaign platforms are virtually identical. Do you really want to pass on putting someone in the White House who will fight for what you believe in and instead vote for a pro-life, pro-war, pro-wiretapping Republican, just because your feelings are hurt? My mother had a phrase for that sort of thing when I was growing up: cutting off your nose to spite your face. Hillary Clinton is clearly voting for Barack Obama. For the good of all of us, I beg you to take your cue from your candidate and do the same.

Why We're Kind of Loving Hillary Right Now

So, I had to be somewhere and left the heavy lifting to Rach on the concession recap, but I can't help myself. I have to chime in. That was a hell of a speech. A few days ago I said we should give Hillary the benefit of the doubt and boy was I right. Today we saw a woman who four days ago was still clinging to the belief there was some way she could win the nomination rise remarkably to the occasion. These Clintons are amazing politicians. Hillary's party, essentially as one, told her on Wednesday she would have to concede. It was medicine we all know she wanted no part of, but instead of swallowing it through gritted teeth and doing the bare minimum required of her, Hillary stood up today in front of a crowd that also wanted no part of concession and did her absolute best to unite the party. She forged on through boos, willing her supporters to join her in the fight for a democratic White House and eventually turning those boos into cheers. For the first time, I truly believe Hillary Clinton sincerely wants what is best for the democratic party and the nation.

As Rachael said, she finally embraced the historical nature of her campaign. Obama ignited our imagination with hope and possibility. Today I see Hillary could have done the same. I ached for this Hillary earlier, but I am so glad she has arrived. It is worth noting that here at DC headquarters we were against Hillary as VP when we woke up this morning and now we're thinking, hmmm.... not the worst idea ever. Wow. I just realized if that was a calculated move, she really is an evil genius. Whatever the motivation, the speech was everything I wanted it to be. When Hillary proclaimed "Yes We Can!" I believed her and I got choked up. It was the moment, to me, when Hillary Clinton officially joined the Barack Obama presidential campaign in whatever capacity she is asked to fill. She was magnificent and I kind of love her.

Why the Young 'uns <3 Obama

CNN is holding a panel right now, a little postmortem on this campaign season and the parallels between now and 1968. David Gergen was one of several on the panel who pointed out that a major part of Obama’s success this year has to do with a youth movement similar to the one Bobby Kennedy tapped into all those years ago. He talked about how the youth of America are being drawn in and are unhappy with politics as usual in America. Which I felt was right on (I have a crush on Gergen by the way because he always seems to articulate what it is I’m thinking of and assume he was better looking in his youth). Anyway, the guy sitting to his left interrupted him and said, “But I’m confused about what they WANT? I mean, what are these people looking for that show up to an Obama rally???”

I wasn’t happy with any of the 40+ year olds answers to that question on the panel so here’s an approximate list of the way I, 28 year old white girl, views my country. I'm going to speak for every single person ever so .

1. It’s hard to tell the difference between the two parties anymore in terms of the deep rooted hold special interests and lobbyists have on both groups. The fact that, to a certain degree, Obama spoke out about that, was extremely powerful.

2. We know first hand how shitty our school system is…and we also know how expensive it’s getting to go to college. And we know that African-Americans suffer at the hands of this system more than anyone of us and we think fixing this is key to making our country better.

3. We really want to help…get down and help, not sign-up for more credit cards and buy stuff like iPods (fine, maybe we want our iPods but we want to help too!). No one took that desire sleeping within us to serve our country if someone would just lead the way seriously except Obama.

4. While the baby boomers were talking about the similarities between Iraq and Vietnam and hawks squawked about the inherent evil that characterized our “enemies” after 9-11, we scratched our heads and thought they were all full of shit. We’ve grown-up playing tic-tac-toe on the Internet against a kid living in the United Arab Emirates. We’ve grown up watching movies and reading books and understand that in this age of global interconnectedness it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize someone doesn’t just wake-up and decide to do evil. No, we know that it’s about arms dealings …. Money trading hands….long power struggles…..oil……someone else similar in age to us living in a place that offers him no hope....all that. We needed someone to speak our language, someone who could describe how complicated and nuanced the world was without sounding like he has a stick up his ass. Obama did that.

5. We wanted someone who could rise above the same political game that has been playing out our entire lifetime. Even when Bill Clinton was in office, the Republicans were setting the terms of the debate: pandering to our worst fears and empowering the voters that lurk in the darkest corners of bigotry and misogyny in this country. They called the Democrats wimpy latte drinkers and the Dems scrambled to say, “nuh uh!”. Obama came along and laid out some new ground rules. He made it clear we wouldn’t be dragged down some inane conversation about good and evil nor would he be proving to anyone how much Jesus matters to him. He took a chance on our better nature, as a whole country, and we responded.

Hillary's Exit

Well it was not only the speech of a lifetime, but the speech a lot of us younger women who have felt alienated and disillusioned by politics for most of our lifetimes wish she would have delivered in the beginning. She talked about the cracks she made in the biggest glass ceiling of all and that she isn't someone running for president who happens to be a woman (the way she started out)... but that she was a woman who ran for president. Instead of belittling and chiding a message of hope, she adopted it.

People! Don't be sad...these are historic and amazing times that I am so excited I got to witness.

CNN is reporting on the part that really bothers me: the bitterness her supporters are expressing as they leave the speech area, the idea that, "Obama better pick her as the VP or I won't vote for him." My God people greater good. Take your anger out on the evil ones, not Obama who is in the middle of transforming the democratic party and brought millions of new voters into the fold. These are things to be glad about and celebrate. In other words, it's bigger than your own disappointment. You can bet if Hillary were the nominee right now Dimpled Chads would be pumped and ready to help our woman beat McCain to a pulp. So climb on board the Obama train, it's lots of fun, we throw good parties, and remember this is about our country and our future.

Concession Watch: OJ Style

The alarm went off and I dragged myself out of bed on this comfy Saturday morning so I wouldn't miss a second of Hillary's highly anticipated concession event. When I turned on the television, however, instead of loser confetti I was greeted by... a static shot of an SUV outside of Hillary's house. So she's running late. It's a political campaign - aren't they always running late? Shouldn't the TV people be prepared for that? Off the top of my head, I might try to fill with an insightful recap of the primary season, footage of past speeches, etc. What do we get instead? An insightful shot of an SUV and the brilliant commentary, "When will she leave the house?"

Oh, OJ. Your influence is farther reaching than you ever imagined.

Concession Watch

It has occurred to me there is only one thing I need to hear Hillary say tomorrow - "...the next President of the United States of America - Barack Obama!" Anything more is icing on the cake, but anything less and I'm going to be disappointed.

Behind Closed Doors

A few hours ago the news broke that the undisclosed location Hillary and Obama met at yesterday was Dianne Feinstein's house. Supposedly the two met alone in a closed living room with no aides present and Feinstein working upstairs. Am I the only one who pictures the esteemed senator from the great state of California kneeling next to the door with a glass to her ear?

Mission to Mars

John McCain just told a reporter in a town meeting in Florida that he hopes we will send a man to Mars. My first thought was, is he trying to be Kennedy? That thought was almost immediately eclipsed by, "How the hell are we going to pay for that in this economy?" Oh, wait. Some estimates put the cost of a manned mission to Mars at 11 billion dollars. We're spending 2 billion dollars a week in Iraq. If we got out of there, Mr. McCain, we could fund your intriguing space trip in 5 and a half weeks. Hmmmm.....

Today's "You Suck Award" Goes to...

...it's a real shocker...wait for it..Senate Republicans! The polar bear haters have just blocked a climate bill that would significantly reduce greenhouse gases and instead passed the buck on global warming to the next administration. Score one more for Voldemort.

THIS JUST IN!!

Man. I officially still have feelings for Donnie. All this time later.

More signs of the apocalypse...

So, I'm watching Colbert last night and Pat Buchanan is his guest. Aside from plugging some book he's written putting forth some argument about World War II I didn't really understand, Mr. Buchanan made some charming jokes about his constituency in Palm Beach County and went on to say he disagrees with John McCain, that we should meet with our enemies (as McCain loves to mock Obama for), that we should never have gone to Iraq and we should not to go to war in Iran. Is anyone else concerned about the fact that we live in a world where Pat Buchanan is one of the people making sense?

WWHD?

So, not to pile on poor Hillary who I'm feeling some genuine sympathy for because losing sucks. But! She is a sight to behold and has managed to devise a strategy for NEVER LOSING even when you've lost. So I started thinking about it and this approach can be adopted to many a scenario in life.

OK, so here's how she DIDN'T LOSE the nomination even though, she lost: Everyone declared Obama the winner - delegates and stuff, national newspapers — and she took the stage and said she wasn't making a decision yet. You see? She just refused to lose. I LOVE this. A few situations, you might applly this approach to:

1. Your boyfriend calls to say that he wants to break up. *WHAT WOULD HILLARY DO?* You tell him that's sweet and you'll see him tomorrow. When you show up at his place the next day, you let him know that unfortunately, while this has been fun, you're going to need some space and want to see other people.

2. Your boss calls you into her office and informs you they are laying you off. *WHAT WOULD HILLARY DO?* You head back to your desk and create a meeting maker with said boss for the end of the day. When it's time for the meeting, you enter her office and let her know you are resigning due to personal reasons effective immediately.

Amazing right?

Boy Do I Have a Nose for News

Hmmm. So, at every news source that I check to get updates on this momentous moment for Democrats in which events are unfolding at a ridiculously fast pace (doesn't anyone ever nap any more? Watch America's Next Top Model marathons on VH1? Sheeesh, SMELL THE ROSES PEOPLE!) —there are also items popping up to do with Celtics and Lakers.

Anyone else hear of this thing? I feel like Dimpled Chads should be covering it...

Mitt Romney is Not Hot: A Scientific Explanation

While McCain had his hot day in the sun, I've concluded that Mitt Romney is neither hot now nor was he ever. Even as a baby. Although I haven't seen his baby pics, it's what we refer to here at Dimpled Chads as, "an educated guess." What's that? Why am I talking about Mitt Romney? Don't I know he's not the Republican nominee? Yes, I do know that, but apparently Romney and McCain have been bonding lately. Whatever that means, my guess would be Mitt is informing John about the healthy option to a healthy glow: the spray tan.

Anyway, at other blogs you might get an analysis of what a McCain-Romney ticket would do to the political landscape at this point. But I know you come to Dimpled Chads for our own unique perspective on things, so I present to you: Reasons Mitt Romney, despite what you might think, is not, in fact, hot.

1. The tan. Ew.

And that concludes this in-depth analysis of Romney's lack of hotness. Tune in later when I tackle Bill Richardson's beard.

Before Obama

There was Bobby:

How it went down...

We've all heard by now that Hillary has agreed to concede on Friday (in private, publicly on Saturday - whatever) but according to Carl Bernstein, here's how it went down: Last night, despite a rock star speech from Obama and reporters shoving each other out of the way to be the first to proclaim the historical implications of the day, Hillary apparently still thought she could somehow win this thing. Maybe, if she waited long enough, something bad would come out about Obama or she could somehow sway the superdelegates come convention time. Was this crazythink the result of living in a campaign bubble or is this woman so power hungry she couldn't let go of the vision? No matter. This morning Hillary's strongest congressional supporters phoned her en masse to disabuse her of her delusions. Their message was simple. Get out by Friday and get out with grace and a strong endorsement of Obama. It's time for the party to unite.

How would she respond? Really well, actually. She marched down to the American-Israel Public Affairs Committee to convince them of her heartfelt belief in Obama's commitment to Israel. Obama, unfortunately, has had trouble with our people (the Dimpled Chads are Jews! Well, Rach is a half) and this vote of confidence should really help him. We shall see in the days to come how good of an Obama cheerleader Hillary can be (and how big of a pain in the ass she is about the VP spot) but this speech today was an important and laudable first step. I say for now we give her the benefit of the doubt (she's got plenty of time to screw that up).

Open Letter of the Afternoon...

Dear Hillary,

Concede, don't concede, whatever. But for the love of America woman, please shut up about the popular vote! Your numbers include Florida, where voters were told their vote would not count, thus making it an unfair election and Michigan, where Obama's name wasn't even on the freaking ballot!!!. (I can't tell you how many times I have shouted "wasn't even on the ballot" in the last few months) In fact, simply subtracting Michigan from the count (while still including the Florida numbers) gives Obama the lead. You did not win the popular vote. You did not win the delegate race. You did not win the nomination. For the good of your party (and any tiny chance you have left of being the VP candidate), why don't you start talking about how awesome Obama is, how he will make a great president, how your supporters should rally around him and NOTHING ELSE!!!

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
One Democrat

Bubba Scandle

While his wife is caught in the ambiguous state of being told you are not the winner but declaring she's not NOT the winner just yet, her husband has been embroiled in another fight of his own: salvaging his reputation from a Vanity Fair article that paints him as...wait for it, a dirty old man. Seems like an uphill battle to me Bubba since your fans know that for every part brilliant politician you are part dir-TAY.

One item he's taken particular interest in disproving is the article's insinuation that he boinked actress Gina Gershon.

Um, I'm going to say what I know you're all thinking: Right or wrong, this represents a MAJOR improvement over the ladies Bubba used to boink.

The Glazed Apocalypse

I realize this happened last week, and that makes it past ancient history in today's 12 second news cycle world, but we didn't have the blog then and this was the news piece I felt signaled the arrival of the apocalypse, so give me a little leeway. If you haven't heard already, Dunkin Donuts pulled a Rachael Ray commercial because she was wearing a paisley scarf. Seriously. Michelle Malkin, a right-wing Fox News commentator (that's the nicest possible way I can say that) posted a piece in her blog angrily commenting on Ray's scarf, which she felt resembled an Islamic Keffiyeh and was "hate couture". The foxophiles went crazy, threatening boycotts and inundating Dunkin with protests, until they decided the best thing to do was remove the ad from the air. It's a paisley-freaking-scarf, people!!! I am now convinced that these folks have been depleted of all brain cells not absolutely necessary for basic life functions and typing.

Bipartison Approach to Dreaminess

Here at Dimpled Chad, we consider ourselves extremely reasonable and open minded. We're capable of reaching across the proverbial aisle if you will ... when it comes to HOTNESS:

Come on admit it: it's so wrong, but so right.

Our Moment...

I realize we're supposed to bring the funny in these posts (please see the min-pin discussion below), but I want to pause and honor what has just happened. We live in a nation that once considered black people property, a nation whose revered constitution once recognized them each officially as 3/5 of a person. Tonight, for the first time in history, one of the two major political parties has named a black man its presumptive nominee for the highest office in the country. My father went to a segregated elementary school in Arksansas, and this year he can vote for a black man for President of the United States of America. I'm pretty sure that's the definition of progress. This is only a moment, though. If January 20 brings us President Obama, it's a whole new world.

Politics in just a sec...

I know big things are happening tonight, but Brittani and I got nostalgic and I pulled one of our favorite excerpts from Road to Idol:

Welcome!

Welcome to the Dimpled Chad. A blog by me and my cousin Brittani. Here at Dimpled Chad, we like roads. As many of you know, our first venture into blogging was documenting our road to American Idol, in which Brittani and I tried to secure me a spot on this last season’s cast (in retrospect, a rather futile attempt……never again….). Well that didn’t work out and you know what? Thank God! Because I a) would have been pitted against a man-boy from Utah and a nanny that doesn’t watch rated R movies and b) there was a lot of group numbers I would NOT be down with, mostly because I don't like to share the stage.

Anywho, lucky for you tonight we spotted another “road” of sorts — the long haul to the White House. Yay Obama…kind of…she hasn’t quit…officially…but the New York Times says it’s a done deal…but she’s on TV directing people to her Web site…but…whatever, we’re Democrats and are watching these times closely.

Brittani and I spend a lot of time IMing with each other (totally during my spare time…uh, work friends) about our fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams for this campaign. The problem is that we are preaching to the choir regarding our viewpoint on any given issue and also how funny we are. So we thought we’d once again, take the Rachael-Brittani show live, and preach to the general public. And by “general public,” I mean, “Karla and Lisa” —our mothers and the Dimpled Chad target demographic.

Two guidelines remain the same from our Road to Idol days:
1. Brittani still holds the office of BOR: Boss of Rachael
2. My lovely boyfriend, for security reasons, shall be known on this blog as “Joaquin” even though his name is much more straight forward than that.

Woot!